Here are your plays, beginning with lessthankyle and a tetralogy I would like to title “Love? Affirmative!”:

4 from @lessthankyle:
[Man on couch, eating chips] Man: Oh Digital Analyzation and Translation Exporter, I’m so lonely. DATE: Affirmative.
&
[Date Yasumune at family reunion, eating chips] DY: As the last of my clan, I’m so lonely. DATE: Affirmative.
&
[Cop, room, eating chips] C:Wrong date on flyers, noone came to Drug, Alcohol, and Tobacco Education. I’m so lonely. DATE: Affirmative.
&
[Design Automation and Test in Europe event hall] DATE: Expo over. I’m so lonely. DATE: Affirmati-[DATEs lock eyes, embrace, date]

@alieechan:
@alieechan hasn’t had a date in over a year (@alieechan eats a date) i mean, since a moment ago.

@TheMadPope:
[A man on a bench.] Man: It’s the ninth today. It will be all day. [thinks. feeds pigeons.]

@mb3playa:
A: What’s today? B: Sept. 7. A: It’s been a year now… B: Eat a date. A: No! B: C’mon. A: Fine. {Bites} Ow! Seed. B: Ring.

@beinglizbreen:
A turns on 2+1/2 Men. (On TV) Sheen: Got a raisin? Girl: No? S: How about a date? Girl: ...? (They make out) A: HOW DID THAT WORK?!

@mrfochs:
Guy: The Moon is bright today Girl: That’s the sun Guy: You always correct me Girl: ‘cuz you’re always wrong Guy: I chose u?

@Dav3Ston3:
INT BAR:Pippin Took chats up a cute Nazgûl, putting her number in his phone tossing it in excitement.Gimli catches phone. G: Bad date.

@SidSolomon:
A: Hey there. B: Well, hello. A: Are you she? B: ...Are you he? A: I am if you are. B: Well then: I guess I’m not. A: Oh.

@KotexFitts:
Girl: What’s today? Boy: September 7th? Girl: yes, and we had a DATE LAST NIGHT THAT YOU FORGOT! Boy: Who are you, again?

@happierman:
[A&B in sunglasses] A:Show me. [B opens attaché, hesitates] A:Show me! [B reveals ziploc full of dates] A:Gross. B:Seriously, yo.

2 from @jamse:
[two guys sit on a clock] G1: i’ve always liked this view. G2: it’s high up. G1: don’t worry. the clock can’t melt. [G2 kisses G1]
&
[Pastor holds Quran & match. lights match. beat. ash drifts from above. he turns his face up. beat] P: i forgot. [match goes out]

@Emperor_norton:
A: Today’s the day! B: Date Night? A: You know it! B: It’s sad that you only go out on a date once a year. A: It raises the stakes!

@genegeorge:
Mel: One side my old friend, for tonight I have a date… a date WITH DESTINY! Pip: Jesus, not another stripper?!

3 from @stevenberkowitz:
A Lady: Heavens! What is this remarkable fruit? [swoons onto divan in a fit of the vapours] (dir. note - or anaphylaxis)
&
A:Today’s the day. B: I know. A: Today’s. The. Day. B: I. Know. A: Support would be nice. Today’s the day. B: You say that every day.
&
Inner Voice: Twitterplays don’t count toward daily writing goals. You still have a date with Open Office. Me: Don’t wanna. *pouts*

@TCAnawalt:
He:"We gonna. Eat? Do you think. Again.” She:"What are you doing now?” He:"Nothing now- sleeping.” She:"You and me. In 5-4-3-” (alarm)

2 from @BeccaPiano:
Stan: We’ve had dis date from da beginnin. Blanche: When’s it expire? S:*peers* Uh, last Tues. B:*shrugs* S:Better not eat it. B: Wimp
&
Sue: What is this? You’re so pale! D:*gives flowers* S: Why, how sweet! But what ARE you? D: I am an android. Playwright: Sorry,my bad

Not only is it proof that Androids can love, it’s also our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

Reason # 1: This weekend is the only time our show will ever have these five new plays, crying out to the world for the first time as they dangle from the placenta of our brains:

I’m Like This. by Erica
Making Making Art Art Making Making Theater Art by Loar
Commute Recreation or Christmas In August by Ryan
Glenn Beck Is An Asshole Or A Conversation With My Conservative Conscience by Loar
Honesty Experiment # 1 by Erica

Reason # 2: Erica and Loar are back in the show this week. Look for adorable slip-ups as they toddle about.

Reason # 3: Me and Chris made this video to inspire you to come:

Reason # 4: The preacher says Infinity. Amen!

Infinity Amen. And yet you are left wanting more...see you tomorrow night, lovers.

Here are your plays, beginning with svaphro‘s strong case for Lasik:

@svaphro:
(Zach & Zoe picnic by a red carpet.) Zach: Can you believe she wore THAT? Zoe: I like it. Zach: Look again (hands her his right eye.)

2 from @BeccaPiano:
Pogo: You are my obscure object of desire. Churchy: I never knew you cared. Rowrbaz! [They turn into birds & fly away with Miz Beaver]
&
GregorSamsa:I feel funny.I just know I’ve had a terrible transformation. God no! I’ve turned into--[accidentally shoots hunting buddy]

@NFlemingPlays:
CARL: Honey? You seen my briefcase? SUE: Yes. Bottom of the fish tank. Go in the skull’s left eye. The gnome will give you a fig

2 from @sylliebee:
NYNEOS:Hi! AUDIENCE:Hi![giant pizzas enter on bicycles piloted by elephants in drag;AUDIENCE eats elephants] NYNEOS:That was surreal!
&
HE:[reads lame greeting cards]SHE:[eats banana(w/skin)in methodical non-sexy way]BRAK:[v/o]And that to me,ladies and gentlemen,is love.

3 from @mightytoycannon:
Man in chicken suit slaps a nun in clown face. He stares at his palm (now stained with grease paint), then yodels. #tp78 Needs more surreal?
&
ME: What do you think? DRAMATURG: I think the surreal should sneak up on us more. ME [urinating on stage]: Like this?
&
A: Your play is absurdist, not surreal. B: How about now? [Blows whistle. Trained seal enters]. A: No. [Seal becomes bicycle] Good!

@pkdan14850:
Dog: Headline reads “Man Bites Dog”. Dog2: Saw this in a movie. The man died of rabies. Man: Mother loved me too much. Dog: Yes,fleas.

@tonyfaulkner:
Waiter: Will there be anything else sir? Man: You haven’t taken my order yet! W: Yes sir. M: I’m leaving! W: Sir! You left your head!

@stephdlau:
Betty hands out pies. B: Don’t forget! Wham bam eat the ham! They repeat & pie-themselves in the face. All explode into crumbles

@Emperor_norton:
PRIEST: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? MAN: I do. PRIEST: You may kiss the bride. MAN kisses a SHOVEL.

@mb3playa:
MAN offers roses to WOMAN.] W: You’re certain? M: Yes. [W holds roses while M disrobes. M fashions rosebuds into underwear, exits.]

@jamse:
[two guys on a clock] G1: i’m going to start. G2: the clock can’t melt. G1: chirp. G2: the clock can’t melt. [the clock is a cat]

@soccerboyLA:
A guy walks into Starbucks. Him (2 barista): We’ve never met, but you were in my dream. Her: I know. You were in my dream too.

@xopherok:
Vladimir, Estragon sit under tree. In limps a 3-legged dog. V: “Godot?” *pause* Dog sits, speaks: “Yes, and that should read ‘paws’.”

@aldrichj:
I could have drank at the Marlin all winter… (backlit, I fly U.S. toward a neon pink scrim; projected on top is a mouth reading Lolita).

Not only is that an exact description of my 5th grade school play; It’s also our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

Here are a few photos I took during our non-working time. (plus about 3 dozen more over at my Flickr page)

Canoeing

Erica and stockings in the lovely NACL theater space.

Chisa, Nicole, Roberta, & Des napping in a ubiquitous sunbeam.

Borg can play the saw!!

Joey is pretending to be attractive while actually cooking us burgers.

Adam. The end.

Fortress by Joey
We Melt For You Noemi LeFrancs. by Borg
Call This Play Make The Neos Go Blind by Cara
The R Word by Nicole
Sintitulo by Roberta
To Pick Up The Phone And Call You by Cara
Sadly This Is An Argument by Roberta
Horse Cock (now i know i’ve said too much) by Ryan

and directly following our Saturday night show, we will be heading up to NACL in the Catskills to roast marshmallows and give each other hand jobs. Artistic hand jobs. Using glow paint for lube! We will come back energized, alive and creativ-ated.

Below is me giving you some of this information (AND MORE!) in a couple of custom-made videos. Look at that paint shine!

Love,

Cara

Here are your plays, beginning with our father of the year, Dav3Ston3:

@Dav3Ston3:
(B picks a card, looks at it & replaces it mid deck, A shuffles) A: I believe THIS is your card!(card says “You’re Adopted” *fanfare*).

2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: I have a confession. B: Okay. A: I’m not the man you think I am. B: Who are you then? A: The other guy. B: Pleased to meet you.
&
A: Can I tell you a secret? B: Sure. A: I’m trying to write one more Twitterplay, but…it’s embarrassing. B: Don’t worry. I won’t tell.

@dloehr:
A: On the internet, no one knows I’m a dog. B: You’re a dog. A: Damnit, I misquoted. B: You’re a dog? A: Woof.

@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights) HE: You ran a marathon and didn’t break a sweat? How did you do it? SHE: With this. (She reveals Secret deodorant. Bows)

@MrsImprov:
Husband: Mags! What’s! ...you don’t drink! Maggie:Dear, I’ve been drinking for 30 years. I simply no longer care if you know about it.

@kennynowell:
A: Know that joke the bear says, “You don’t really come here to hunt”? B: Yeah? A: I don’t really come here to hunt.

@C_Diercks:
A: hey. B: (Complain abt A. Talk endlessly abt self. Include hypocracy.) A: I dont like you anymore. B: I don’t understand!

@swestdahl:
MovieMashup IM: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Darth Vader: No, I am your father. IM: NOOOO0!!

@BeccaPiano:
D: Places, all! PERRY! On the bed! LP:*grumble* How far I’ve fallen since 90210! Suki: *touch grab* LP:?? S: Luuke- I AM YOUR FLUFFER!

2 from @stephdlau:
G: It’ll set you free! Just say it, out loud. Elliot takes a deep breath. E: I wear pink ladies underpants!
&
A: PLEASE tell me you didn’t steal that. B: I didn’t? A: Give me that umbrella right. now. B hands it over. A hits B w/ it

@BeccaPiano:
Zq6:Historic! Fq3:Yes HighOne. A time capsule from before the Mold Wars! Finally translated! What secrets? T: It says-- Open Other End

@genegeorge:
Ma: enjoyin’ them pancakes, hon? Pa: You bet! What’s in ‘em! Ma: Vanilla & a heap o’ strychnine you cheatin’ piece a garbage! Pa: Ack!

@earbox:
Kitchen. Husband & Wife (played by uncostumed man). W: I’m a man. H: WHAAT? (Blackout.)

@lorrainecink:
Anchor: Next up on Fox News, we funded the Mosque at ground zero and we’ll never acknowledge it. Back to you, Tiffany.

@peteshelly:
A: Don’t tell me! B: Why not? A: I don’t want to know! B: But someone’s got to keep this secret and it’s not gonna be me!

@isplotchy:
[A UK Bakery] A:She...she’s me daughter B:What? A:She’s me daughter. B: Secrets & Pies! This family is nothing but Secrets & Pies!

@alieechan:
A: what’s keeping you? B: from what? A: moving forward B: nothing (steps, cage falls from ceiling, traps B) B: ‘bout that.

@xopherok:
Dad on deathbed: “Son, lean close” S: “What is it dad?” D: “I’m not your true father” S: “I know” D: “Why didn’t you tell me?” *dies*

@ShaneStraw:
GeorgeW-I have a secret. I can tell a lie. In fact, I’m lying to you right now. (audience’s heads explode)

@stephatically:
Mom: How’s rehearsal? Me: Fine. Mom: What role? Me: Ensemble, but featured. Mom: Featured? Me: Well, my breasts are.

@amukerjee:
Man: I’m not your father. Boy: *sob* I knew it was the mailman! Man: No no… you’ve got it wrong. I’m your SON.

@moviesbybowes:
Lights up: man center stage, hands behind back, cries for 1 minute, then slowly reveals his hands to have been cut off

@Emperor_norton:
A: He’s not your son. B: WHAT?! A: I’m sorry. B: Who’s is he, then? A: God’s, Joseph. B: Bitch, I’m not falling for that one again.

And that’s not only the touching story of the less-publicized (and later nullified by DNA evidence) second Christmas, but our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

My youth is behind me, and I have to put away childish things, but lo!  I did you one better Dad!  I not only walk around half-nekkid when I come home from work, I do it when I’m AT work!  Ladies and people, this weekend welcomes our second annual presentation of 30 HALF-NEKKID PLAYS IN 60 HALF-NEKKID MINUTES!  All the plays!  All the minutes!  Half the clothes! 

And of those 30 plays, these 8 are brand new:

• Pakistan Makes Us Wet by Cara Francis
  
• you can’t go home again, again by Lauren Sharpe
  
• Sweet Shatner Pudding People by Rob Neill
  
• What Yelena Kondakova Saw by Joey Rizzolo
  
• We Work With What We Got by Christopher Borg
  
• Why it’s good we all are not dogs: reason no. 4 by Joey Rizzolo
  
• Exam Mam Redux by Nicole Hill
  
• An Absolutely False Reenactment Of How Anne Frank Went On To Survive The Holocaust And Give Advice To Mexicans In Arizona Starring Nicole Hill As Anne Frank And Rob Neill As A Nazi by Cara Francis

Or don’t come and just ogle our hot spread in New York Magazine.

As I ride the Amtrak 79 Carolinian train to Charlotte, NC I think about the beginning of my trip. Same train, different direction. I remember thinking how exciting this summer was going to be and how much I was going to learn. However, I understood that I was only an intern and that meant that the summer was going to be about observing, not performing, aiding not requesting. I went into this experience with the understanding that as much as I would love to be a NY NeoFuturist, I wasn’t one. I was there to help and watch. As my trip closes I don’t feel like this fly on the wall intern watching rehearsals and collecting props. I feel like a member of a new creative family that was there for me even when my biological family wasn’t. The NY Neo Futurists taught me about art, theatre, love, life, and myself –which I did not see coming. Each and every one of these beautifully inventive and openly vulnerable artists shaped my summer and helped mold the ever-changing form that is me.
I learned that:
• I can achieve greatness if I work hard enough.
• I should enjoy being young and the body that goes with it.
• Not to apologize for things I want to do, because of what society thinks.
• I’m not allergic to cats, and even though I’m a professed dog lover I spent 10 amazing days with three feline beauties! (Gogo, Nell Carter, and Elmer – thank you for the eye opening experience)
• People, especially friends, can take care of you sometimes, far better than you can take care of yourself. To Rob, Eevin, and Carl, “THANKS” is nowhere near enough!!
• I can write plays, no matter how bad I think they are!
• I can survive NYC…AND LIKE IT!
• Things don’t always go as planned but you should just keep going.
• Red and I are (insert old saying about birds and feathers, flocking or something). Basically we are both southern bells and I love her like she were my sister! No really I’m working on getting that shit legalized!!
• I still hate watching scary movies, but they are not so bad when I watch them with Rob. Someone I respect and admire very much!
• I could keep going for hours but I’m afraid my audience is slipping away.
To the cast of Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind, the NY NeoFuturists, you all made this one summer I will never forget and I am a better actor, and more importantly a better PERSON for spending it with you all. Please continue to shine and touch peoples’ lives, it’s what you are good at.

Neo Intern Chelsea signing out.

Here are your plays:

@usmonster:
1999. A at COMPUTER. A:I wish I had a girlfriend C:You’ve got mail![click] A:What’s a “Penq1s Enklarger”?[click]

@stephdlau:
MAN puts on small penguin ‘suit’. FLASHBACK: Man getting chased by said penguin. Present: Man grins

@aldrichj:
Today I crunched a lot of numbers… Also, while I was at the Post Office… (Flashback Music & Screen Image): http://yfrog.com/j9fawij

@isplotchy:
S: Flashback, eh? [--->] Young S: Ooh, Twitterplays! Why is everyone mentioning tennis or a courtroom? Who cares? They’ll LOVE mine!

@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights) HE: Hey, you remember watching “FlashForward”? (Flashback to no one watching “FlashForward") HE: Yeah, me either. (Bows)

@stephatically:
1: OMG! Remember when A Byzantine army was destroyed in the pass of Trojan’s Gate by the Bulgarians… 1,028 years-ago today? 2: No.

2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: Far out! B: What? A: I’ve like done this before. B: Dude! Déjà vu is not the same as a flashback. A: You’re blowing my mind, man.
&
A [singing & dancing]: She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor, and she’s dancing like she’s…B: Um, flashback, not Flashdance. A: Oh.

@bigscotty:
A: Team1 lays suppressing fire. Team2 starts the assault with flashbacks- B: FlashBANGS! Flashbacks are no good. C: Why not a montage?

@swestdahl:
RuleOfTwos Lights up on Clown.* I enter w/ pie. Pie to face.Kick to groin.Laugh at Clown. Clown: Déjà vu! FLASHBACK Repeat once from *

@tylerjmonroe:
[Lights Up. M hits tweet. Flashback 1 min. Parade of elephants, marching bands, robots, past lovers, future mistakes. M hits tweet.]

@tiffanyaleman:
PeterSellers: I’m not a fucking jewel thief. Cut to Sellers stealing the hope diamond. Back to Sellers. “you call THAT a diamond?...”

@xopherok:
Lonely man at café: “Where did things go wrong for me?” *flashback* 11-year-old looks down his pants. “Where’d that hair come from?”

2 from @tonyfaulkner:
M (to W): Remember when our luggage got switched? *FB* (suitcase open on bed) W (chewing): This doesn’t taste like our underpants.
&
W: I feel as though we’ve been here before. M: Is this a good time for a...*FLASHBACK* (to just before) W: No, it’s more like deja vu.

@Emperor_norton:
GOD: Time to make peopl- *FLASHBACK: GOD remembers history of last earth He created. GOD: Maybe I should skip making people this time.

@TonesAssande:
Boy+Grandpa center. G: I remember like it was yesterday. FLASHBACK SOUND CUE. B: What’re you doing Gramps? G: Thinkin’ bout tomorrow.

@NFlemingPlays:
PHIL: I had an acid flashback in the grocery store. My wife found me hugging the chocolate chip cookies with apples in my pockets

@kidmercury:
turn on TV. see ppl fighting abt mosque in nyc. propaganda! flashback to memories of 9/11 truth street actions. inspired to join them.

@beinglizbreen:
A:I fall for crazy men B:You scare them off A:What about the guy after college, turns out he was banging Mom? B:That was The Graduate.

And that’s our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

1. The first ever Neo-Futurist Level III workshop attendees are presenting their
   
2. Ted Stevens died in a plane crash.*
   
3. Neo-Futurist Erica Livingston is getting a tetanus shot as I write this.  Seriously, we were just on the phone and she had to get off so she could get poked and she promised she’d send me pictures and all that.  She got her foot all tore up on a rusty nail.  Fucking rusty nail!  Can you believe it?  Such a cliche!
   
4. Neo-Futurist Nicole Hill makes her debut in Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind TONIGHT!

Yes, NICOLE HILL!  Now, I have to be completely honest - when I first met Nicole, I didn’t think she’d actually wind up in our ensemble.  I had called up playwright extraordinaire Myla Churchill in hopes that she’d be available to audition and when she finally dragged her butt to the show to see what I do every weekend, she brought along Nicole and apologized and said that she wouldn’t be able to audition but *shove shove* here’s my friend Nicole.  What kind of bait-and-switch bullshit was this?

Turns out, the BEST kind.  When God closes a door, he cuts open the side of the house that you live in because it turned out you were too fat to fit through the door anyway.  That metaphor makes more sense when you see Nicole’s debut tonight, along with the debut of the following plays:

• the Mystery of it all by Christopher Borg
  
• 5. Oh, snap! by Lauren Sharpe
  
• 17. Jerks in Hell (not really) by Christopher Borg
  
• 20. The Artful Codger by Nicole Hill
  
• Why is B-L-A-N-K so hard to find? by Nicole Hill
  
• When you absolutely, positively must get a drink from the KGB bar right now. by Christopher Borg

…and the hazing ritual that has been resurrected for the occasion:

New Kid! by Joey Rizzolo

*Okay, maybe I’m not so tactless as to celebrate the passing of the man but I sure as hell won’t miss him.  Will you?  That was a real question.  Comment on this blog or email me and we’ll discuss the virtues of Ted Stevens.

As Erica promised:

Here are your plays:

@jose602:
Thank You Factory Boss: “We’re letting you go.” Thank You Factory Worker: “Who can do my job better?” @ThankYouRobot: “Hello!”

@TCAnawalt:
Jim: “I ordered you a steak.” Sue: “I hate steak. Thank you.” Jim: “I think we should see other people.” Sue: “I think you’re blind.”

@MrsImprov:
Wife: Honey? Why is the door locked? Husband: you don’t wanna know. Wife: Thank you.

3 from @mightytoycannon:
A: Thank you. B: No, thank *you*. A: I said it first. B: But I meant it more. A: We should stop fighting so much. B: THANK you!
&
A: Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! B: Why so happy? A: I won the lottery. B: I don’t think Jesus helped any. A: Can’t be too careful.
&
A: Did you see that @hollyanna tweeted “@mightytoycannon is my favorite Twitterplaywright!” B: Did he thank her? A: In his own way.

@isplotchy:
[Diner. Trashcan, THANK YOU on flap. Family approaches.] Emp:I’ll take that. [He puts trash in bit by bit.] E:You’re welcome, you’re-

@SierraRein:
BOB&SAM on couch. Ent. KATE. KATE: Thank You! BOB: What for? KATE: For cleaning the bathtub. BOB: Wasn’t me. That was Sam. SAM: Meow!

@NFlemingPlays:
FRAN: You bought me a Glock? Thanks! HAN: You’re welcome. FRAN: I always wanted one. HAN: I know. (Fran shoots Han) FRAN: Idiot

@swestdahl:
A: Thank you. B: For what? A: I don’t know. For being you. B: Oh… I’m sorry. A: For what? B: I don’t know. For everything else…

@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights) #1: Thank-- #2: In this crossword, what’s the missing letter in D-O-Blank-G-H? #1: ...you. #2: That’s it! Thank you! (Bows)

@TheCline:
Them: Please advise how you would like to pay us. Me: Sure. What are my options? Them: You have to pay by check. Me: Um, thank you?

@C_Winston:
Id: Fuck you, Ben Nelson! Fuck you, Paul Ryan! Fuck you, Leiberman. Fuck you, G. Beck! Ego: It’s supposed to be “thank you.” Id: Oh.

@blueberrio:
A: Thank you, come again! B: Did you get it? C: Yes, let’s go. (exit store, peer into bag) B: It’ll make us young. C: In just 30 days.

@Emperor_norton:
Beverly Hills 90210 set. DIRECTOR: Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?! *God strikes Jason Priestley dead* DIR: THANK YOU!

@nycnic2305:
“Thank You” by Alanis M. plays. Chaos ensues on stage/in audience. Nic: “MAKE IT STOP!” Music stops. Nic: “Thank YOU.”

@Dav3Ston3:
Write a twitter play! Me:Okay. Here you go. NNF:Thanks! Me It’s nothing. NNF: Oh come on. ME: No, really. It stinks.

@kidmercury:
9/11 victims families sad. after studying, get mad. where’s justice? they see sign: 9/11 truth now. they say: THANK YOU.

@QTPiK8:
KJ: Bonsoir, Chat Noir. Je n’aime pas le fromage, mais j’aime le pomme de terre. IJ: I don’t know what you said, but THANK YOU.

@robertlwighs:
A woman holds up a sign that says, “Say:Thank You”. She points at house until they join. She breaks sign immediately and yells, “Liars!”

@catpostrophe:
KJ: Gmail changed while I was inside it. IJ: Is Gmail like a Gspot? KJ: No but El-Oh-El u are too funny gurl. IJ: Thank you.

And that’s our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

So, 1.) you should come to say goodbye to Chelsea and Becca.

Also, 2.) you should come and see these seven world premier plays we have cooked up for you this week:

tink tink tink by Erica
That’s A Bullshit Spinnaker or a numbered futurist landdreamscape you have to imagine by Rob
The life you humor may just be Joey Rizzolo’s. by Jill
Your Evil Twin by Joey
You Coulda Gone to Stomp by Chisa
My Summer Vacation (Redux) by Borg
OPEN CASTING: Horror Movie Climax by Erica

And finally 3.) this will be your last chance to see yours truly in the regular TML rotation until Spring 2011! So, like, I guess you should probably come?
Yeah?
Yeah. I think so.

Here are your plays:

@swestdahl:
I’llBetYouItsTrue Dad: You shoot craps? I’m very disappointed. I’m going to teach you a lesson about losing money [We roll. I win $20]

@TimmyCaldwell:
Man: King me. Death: This is boring. Man: I never learned chess. Death: I never learned to ballroom dance. (Man and Death sigh.)

@kidmercury:
goldman sachs: i want to be richest. so i buy congress & get bailouts. repeat process. its how i win the game of money!

@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights) #1: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!! #2: Why? #1: Well, um...Them’s the rules. #2: But that’s dumb! #1: I agree! #1&2: Unity! (Bows)

@schlchtmyr:
Dad: I win, you lose. Kid: That destroys my self-esteem. I win, you lose. Dad: Tell it to your grandpa, kid. I win, you lose. [Repeat]

@fauxmaux:
A) I didn’t do it. B) You did. A) I didn’t. B) So, you did nothing. B) Yes I did. A) Thank you. (SFX: “GOL!")

@beinglizbreen:
Steve Jobs: Brenda, I want a… friend of mine to have the iPad. Please gift wrap and send with following letter- ‘Dear Mr. Gates...’

2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: I’m going to write the best Twitterplay ever. B: Mine will be better. A: We could collaborate. B: How will we know who wins?
&
A [flipping coin]: Call it! B: Heads. A: You lose. [flips] Call it! B: Tails. A: Sorry! [flips] B: Torso! A: I’ll be damned.

@tallpolishgirl:
He: I’m thinking of a number btwn 1 & 10 She: what can I win? He: Nothing She: I don’t wanna play your stupid game

@stephatically:
Write your GD twitterplay! Me: Why? What do I win? Neos: You get your play on our blog! Me: This isn’t much of a game

@erauh:
a:ready, set a&b: GO! a:thats not fair b: why not? a: you’re wearing a dress b: thats why i’m naked first. you lose b: do I?

@Jess_Rosenthal:
Xihuitlemoc:Blown call! Posterity confused! Sacrifice winner or loser? Axayacatl:OK. New rule! Kill the ump! Together: Yes!

@stevenberkowitz:
Ready. Set. Go. CHEERING. Bo: How long is it? Vi: A marathon. Bo [checks watch]: Meet back in 4 hours? Vi [looks left, right]: Sure.

@stephdlau:
TwiVamp fires foam dart, hits Ed’s face. TV: Take that suckaaa! Ed: Ouch! My perfectly symmetrical nose! TV: Sucks doesn’t it?

@isplotchy:
A [singing]:I have won, the game of life! B:How so? A:I’m happy! [B sits down on ground, quietly sobbing. A leans down and hugs B.]

@abstractcitizen:
A dog, a top hat, and a sports car find themselves arguing over a hotel bill. Somewhere, a boot is laughing.

@genegeorge:
J: Observe the general reviewing his troops. Separately useless, but together MIGHTY! He choos- D: It’s SCRABBLE DAMMIT! PLAY A WORD!

@xopherok:
The 1970s. Death and Bobby Fischer play to a draw. Fischer gets up, walks away, shouting over his shoulder: “Keep searching, bitch!”

2 from @usmonster:
King Midas, Jesus Christ, Rogue from X-Men, and the Grim Reaper play a game of tag. (I don’t know who wins.)
&
1 enters, sits facing AUDIENCE, stares. Someone, anyone in the AUDIENCE blinks. 1 (arms up, jumping from seat): I WIN!

@Emperor_norton:
A: Let’s do this! B: You’re going down! *2 armless men stare intently at each other. Sign above them reads PHANTOM LIMB ARM-WRESTLING.

@aldrichj:
I am lighting both of these flammable zebras on fire. First person to put out the fire with only their piss wins. On your mark, get set, go!

And that’s our ender for this week!

Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.

And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter. 

Trust me, this information will be of value to you and enhance your TML viewing pleasure by, let’s say, double.

Your Neo all-stars for this week are: Jeffrey, Rob, Erica, Christopher, yours truly and, if you missed her in her debut last week, you really oughta get your butts into the Kraine this week because she is off the CHAIN fierce, our newest newbie, CHISA!!! And for YOU, we have created these TEN (!!!) new plays:

Chisa and Erica Have Phone Sex by Chisa
Déjà Double Rainbow Soundtrack by Jeffrey
Have I got a leak for you! by me
Monkey In the midst of Pulchritude by Rob
One minute secret by Erica
Amplification of Afghan War Diary (ultimate dissemination now) by Christopher
A Metaphor for Something Else (w/pre-recorded audio FX) by Jeffrey
Interrupting Gibson by me
Erotic Meta-Poetry by Chisa
Hungrybear9562 saw it and The Gregory Brothers sang it and the NYNF can’t get enough of it so eat your heart out you cheesy musical types, people who cry about beautiful things and those who just love colors this double rainbow is for you. by Erica

That’s a THIRD of the menu y’all, retro-fitted with brand new plays! Come and check it out. I can promise you this: It’s gonna be so intense.