We’ve got 5 little Neo-Futurists, 10 new plays, gadgets and gizmos aplently, whosits and whatsits galore.
What can I tempt you with, hmmmm.....well, if you come to the show, you’re likely to see:
A) some skin B) some special feelings C) some rhythmic stylings, D) a mascot rodent I named Nixon E) secret hidden portals F) slow-motion Sisyphean tasks
And if we sell out, we order out and you can eat pizza, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Here’s this week’s new plays:
The Slow Motion Vortex of My Feelings by Adam
Deja Black Swanby Jacquelyn
In which Ryan reflects on recent events. First, disbelieving, he checks to make sure this isn’t a dream… confirms he is actually awake, reminisces on the great moments like the Super Bowl and the London train station and the bubble bath, and the sex after King’s Speech, sends her a message which reads “thank you/I love you”, celebrates with Loar, then ponders the oh so many ways this could all crumble, contorts his body in a physically strenuous position to express his fear of emotional annihilation, financial destitution, and doctor’s examinations, expresses those fears through sound, then acclimates to the idea of the ebb and flow of the world, leaving him relatively in the same place he began before even getting started except, and in some way this is critical to the meaning of it all, he will now look at all of you and go… by Ryan
The Boy Who Swam to Shore (Newburgh, 4.12.11) by Adam
I Miss Richard Foreman by Christopher
Untitled in Three Parts by Jacquelyn
If it were up to you, cutting the deficit would happen like this… by Alicia
My Life So Far: A Retrospective by Jacquelyn
rattrap by Alicia
Six Slices and Infinite Possibilities by Ryan
Always Google map that shit. And that… is our ender for this week!@iambunnybee:
3.5 year old girl: “Do people migrate to outer space, or the moon when they die”? #tp109 (true story)
@telan:
1CvrsFceW/ChzeSprd. 2TrnsDrpsTrw. 2:ImThMoon. 1:&ImThMnOnIt! 1PrsssFceOn2’sBtt. Curtain.
@dramaQkarri:
She, bright as the full moon. He, mooning the crowd. Both, enrapt in a moment. A foolish moment.
@j___are:
JakEO - Goodnight, Moon. MOON- But please! I’m 2 young 2 die young! My family!!! JakEO - sorry. need the cheese. u understand.
@Emperor_norton:
ALDRIN: This was a waste of time. ARMSTRONG: There’s nothin but rabbits & green cheese up here! AL: I think a cow just jumped over us.
@mugglefilm:
Boy: Blue moon...how come you’re standin alone? Moon: Cuz I rock & that’s how I roll, SHAZAM! Boy: I think I just tinkled…
2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: We should put a man on the moon. B: We already did. A: No dreams left then. B: Sorry. Are you going to finish that sandwich?
&
YURI: 50 years ago, I was the 1st man in space. NIEL: A monkey’s job! YURI: The Cold War is over. NIEL: Suck it, comrade.
@10000TH :
sol: people wax and wane too. lou: [ crosses darkside] sol: you suck. lou: going hungry
@markjcostello:
“I’ll step off your oxygen tube if you tell me where the gold is, Marvin.”
@natelopez53:
(armstrong & aldrin on moon d/ apollo 11) NA: we need 2 make this look as fake as poss BA: y? NA: no reason. just effing w/ stoners
@sgnp:
Astronaut: You expect me to make everyone with crayon-made deed “King of the Moon?” Kid: Nope. Just me. Astronaut: Well played, sire.
@zachclarence:
Year 1957. Laika (First dog in space): The moon is SO beautiful!! Can’t wait to tell everyone about this when I get back! Wait…
@kwarnockny:
Astro 1: That’s one small step… Astro 2: More like about a size 12. Astro 1: No! I’m an 8. But the boots don’t help.
@bostonturgy:
JAWS: <gnash gnash!> DOLLY: eek! JAWS: <gnash!> BOND: Let’s not fight. DOLLY: Champagne? JAWS: Well, here’s to us!
@chartom:
A:please move B:Pardon? A: thats...thats my favorite rock B: (moves rocks) A: No...um...this whole thing is...awkward
@murdershetwote:
Lunar Tourist: Let’s take a swim in the sea of tranquility. I’ll backstroke and kick up dust as I float away.
@staffystaff:
Man In Moon: “The Earth hangs big in the sky.” Queso Verde: “Where is Godot? Those Apollo guys said he was on his way.”
@C_Diercks:
The moon is silent; empty. There stands Chris smiling ear to ear. Earth tries to pull him back but love keeps him there. A Tuesday.
2 from @ShaneStraw:
[Man enters] Man-That’s one small step for man...[Audience moons Man] Man - Touche, my friends. Touche.
&
[Neil Armstrong exits lunar module. Walks around. Plants flag in Mickey Rourke’s face.]
@Fauxmaux:
Moon: Don’t forget to reach all those little dings with the sunblock. Just apply all over since i rotate, you know. right there. yeah
@littlebirdwords:
Alien1 : They looking at us yet? 2: Wait for it- Now! (both turn around and drop pants) 1: Take that NASA! 2: Moon’s #1! Moon’s #1!
@checkypantz:
Neil: ... The Eagle has landed. Buzz: Ain’t that some shit. Neil: Famous first words? Buzz: Not terribly poetic, eh? Neil: No.
2 from @Casarino:
N. “...and one giant leap for mankind.” B. “Nice delivery, Stiffy McStifferson.” N. (stepping on B’s oxygen tube) “Bite me, Buzz.”
&
A: We’re clear. So long, moon. M: Cool. But I miss Buzz. A: Told him we were leaving in 5. If we keep waiting, he’ll never learn.
@CDKWDC:
Moon (whining): I wish everyone on earth would quit saying I’m made of cheese. Sun (singing): I’ll stop the world and melt with you!
2 from @Dav3Ston3:
NA: <Stares at a cold desolate field near I70, 40 miles outside Topeka Kansas>MC: What the? E"B"A: Fucking MapQuest
&
A: <Looks around at the cold desolate Sea of Tranquility>B: Fucking MapQuest!
Tonight, we have twelve new plays from the minds of Nicole Hill, Jacquelyn Landgraf, Ryan Good, Alicia Chaisson, Adam Smith, Cara Francis and Christopher Loar.
They are, with their corresponding numbers on the menu:
3. Unsettled
4. Explorations in Dramatic Mediocrity # 1
6. Exit Strategy
7. High Frequency Trading. For Keeps.
8. on prayer
9. The Nothingness of Happy Ham I Am
14. The Alienation Effect: The Glass Menagerie Act 1 Scene 2
18. Three Audiences of One
22. Me & you & that guy & nobody else
23. Old Round Smudged Glasses
24. Here versus There
30. If you call this play, I will spoil the show, I swear to God. Don’t even try me.
BLAM! See you tonight, fine fellows.
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Have a good day.
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Get your tickets here: https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/cal/28615
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.com/nyneofuturists
TWITTER: http://twitter.com/nyneofuturists
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And that… is our ender for this week!@madhuri567:
[SANTA CLAUS lands his sleigh, stretches, looks around. Pause.] SANTA CLAUS: Fucking GPS.
@Dav3Ston3:
Penguin: Mommy? Another Pengiun: Sure, whatever.
@ElaineRomero:
Hubby’s tweet play. GARTH: Cool penguins. BROOK: Yeah, cool penguins. Let’s eat one. GARTH: Tastes like chicken.
2 from @jocularfowl:
Charles brushes the snow off Hugh’s frost bitten cheeks and they kiss passionately. Hugh: Why do you taste like our sherpa’s corpse?
&
Tom Crean & Morgan Freeman’s voice stroll leisurely through the snow. They stumble across a naked, flopping Nixon straddling Oprah
@dyanysus1116:
#1: I’m cold. #2: Here, take my parka. (#2 puts parka on, engulfs #1 in an embrace. While this happens, a polar bear eats them both.)
2 from @mightytoycannon:
Robert F. Scott stands alone, staring at a flag in disbelief. A sled dog urinates on his leg. “Fucking Norwegians.” Lights out.
&
A: What are you doing? B: Writing a play about the Shackleton Expedition. A: How’s it going? B: I’m stuck.
@Terry_tkw:
Ann: My penguin reseach is all I care about. Joe: I love you. A: My work comes first. J: Look out! Orca! A: you saved me. I love you!
@CDKWDC:
Lights up. Two men sit center stage. #1: Damn, it’s cold. #2: I know. Penguin enters stage right, exits stage left. Fade to black.
@swestdahl:
Lights up. Seal, penguin and Issac Brock stand beside rocket ship. P: All sys. go. IB: This time tom., friends, we’ll be on the moon
3 from @ShaneStraw:
Penguin1-Are they gone? P2-I think so. P1-Ok, everybody, from the top...5, 6, 7, 8 “One...singular sensation...”
&
Crew plants flag in Antarctica soil, start celebrating. Lights shift to reveal that Antarctica is really Hillary Clinton’s vagina.
&
M1-It’s cold here. [M2 exits, long pause, returns with bullhorn] M2-(through bullhorn)No shit, Sherlock!
@jeremyteresa:
(1-woman play) :And my palace of fur shall protect you like the belly of a male penguin! :& The loyalty of my subjects(...)subjects?”
@seanfranzen:
As I labor across the wind whipped terrain; the only thing for 1000 miles warmer than 30 below. A candle praying not to be snuffed.
@amorremanet:
Penguin to PolarBear: why are you here. Go back to the north pole. (Bear mumbles.) Pngn: what about my mama? Walrus: oh Hell no.
@mugglefilm:
Antarctica: Andy: Conan, how do u get such volume to your hair? C: I slick it w/ water & BAM! Instant freeze A: Amazing… @teamcoco
2 from @tonyfaulkner:
Ship captain: I parked my ice breaker here to pee and now it’s gone! Explorer: So’s my dog team! Captain:Cthulu!
&
Raytheon: What the hell are you doing here? Halliburton: Just dropping by. Need any help? Raytheon: Get lost, punk. I got this!
@chartom:
Eskimo: Baby seal, play me a song. Baby Seal: My guitar is frozen
@DrSomething:
(Lights. A hollow wind) A: The interminable cold ravages my soul! B: Good thing this play is less than 140 characters long.
@ArmyofWomack:
SFX:GaleForceWinds,PolarBearsRoar,PenguinClamor.FX:Red beacon Flashes US grows bright close SFX:beepswaterdripsilence
@kjs_pf:
j. chan: (checks phone) everytime i vacation in antartica they think i’ve died. sales of spy next door better go up.
2 from @BradleeT:
Penguin 1: Was that an damn polar bear? Penguin 2: Yep, they came in off the boat last week. Penguin 3: I hate global warming.
&
(On the Steve Irwin) 1: Do you think we are making a dent in whaling? 2: No, I just like throwing crap at people. 1: Me too.
@natelopez53:
(evil mstrmnd & real estate agent) EM: idk REA: volcanos r dun antartica is where the hip em’s go EM: ya? REA: yup EM: i’ll take it
@Emperor_norton:
A: This is it? B: Coordinates match. A: This used to be a continent! A: NOW do you believe in global warming? B: This proves nothing.
@TheOrangeHats:
My god, we’ve finally made it to the north pole! ::reads map:: Shit.
@c2thety:
Me: The air is as cold as my penguin deprived cock. A penguin: Sup?
@checkypantz:
A: [Touching South Pole] My word, I never thought we’d make it. B: Indeed. [Beat] Now where? A: ... B: ... A: North? B: Good call.
@22Tilda:
Agnes and Phil sell everything become LiIliputians and fly to Antarctica aboard an albatross. They r so happy.
@pie36:
Polar Bear arrives in Antarctica. Spots a Penguin. P: Somebody took a wrong turn at Cuba. PB swims away sadly.
@AudlovJ:
Sal: so much ice Mary: brought my chainsaw Sal: that’ll b a big sculpture. Bil: i’ll catch scraps in these margaritas. Sal: so drunk
@B111S:
1 Did you sleep? 2 Too cold, I had nightmares 1 ‘bout what? 2 I don’t know 1 We melt too? 2 Yes 1 We’re still here
@david973:
INTERIOR CLASROOM, 9/25/2029. “Class, we will now examine Antartica. Before the education ban, it was home to many ice-borne species”
@peteshelly:
A to B: Dude, I’m freezing.
2 Answers, at length. It’s improvised, and conversational. After a bit of time music interrupts. Neo 1 performs the “Sitting Squid” until the music fades out While that happens, Neo 2 slouches in his/her chair and sips some whiskey. Once Neo 2 puts cup on table, the music fades out. Once settled,
2. So, [name], tell me about [about your job. What is it that you do all day]?
1 begins to answer, at length. Again, totally improvised but conversational. The music plays. Neo 1 slouches in his/her chair and sips some whiskey. While that happens, Neo 2 performs the Sitting Squid until the music fades out. Neo 1 places his/her cup on the table and the music fades out.
Both reset to seated positions. Once settled,
At the same time, they repeat the information about the other to each other, with their personal interpretations and feelings. Music fades in. Both sit upright, sip their whiskey and hold their glasses. They sit and enjoy the music.
Loudly, VOCALLY, Neo 3 rides in on a tricycle from upstage into the table to try to knock the table over, ignoring Neos 1 & 2. The screaming should last as long as it takes to knock over the table. And then as long as it takes for Neo 3 to exit the stage.
Regardless of what happens, Neos 1 & 2 remain in regular seated position, and without turning their heads, they mentally reflect on Neo 3’s interuption. Once Neo 3 has exited the stage and stopped streaming, they simultaneously move to place the cups in the space where the table was. They drop the cups. Blackout, CURTAIN.
Props: whiskey and/or soda for non drinkers, two clear cups, plate, assorted candies/treats/chips
Tech: House lights out, general wash, Patricia by the Joe Bucci Trio Edit.
WE HAVE MADE 10 NEW PLAYS THIS WEEK. TEN! ONE THIRD OF THIS MENU IS PREMIERING THIS WEEKEND. THAT’S TEN OUT OF 30 BRAND NEW PLAYS FOR YOU! FOR YOU!
THIS WEEK WE FEATURE RETURNING VETERAN NEO JOE BASILLE! GET TICKETS NOW!
HE’S ONLY IN THE SHOW FOR 3 WEEKS, SO DON’T SLEEP!
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME!!!!!
BE THERE!!!!!!
MUCH LOVE,
CHRISTOPHER
New York Neo-Futurists
Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind (30 Plays in 60 Minutes)
Every Fri & Sat PM
10:30 pm.
The Kraine Theatre
http://www.nynf.org
FACEBOOK:facebook.com/nyneofuturists
TWITTER: twitter.com/nyneofuturists
Mars could use library funding, too. And that… is our ender for this week!@bethmonster:
A: Why are all of these old pieces of paper laying around? Recycle that crap! B: But it’s the Dead Sea Sc.... *A shreds it.*
@dehelen:
A. My grandmother left me this book. B. Is that all she left you? A. It’s called a Savings Passbook. There’s $600,000 in it.
@22Tilda:
Dealer: well the woman who brought the manuscript in said it was buried in sand. Buyer: was the sand from Mesopotamia? D:yes B:sold
@ShaneStraw:
Man - Hey Old Louie, I need some action on a first round NCAA tourney parlay. Louie - He said old BOOK, not BOOKIE.
@egemaltepe:
On March 8 2011 M: You know that men are the protectors and maintainers of women, right? W: Who said so? M: Qur’an.
@Fauxmaux:
Crew1: Ahoy. The white whale, Cap’n! Ahab: It is what it is. Om. Crew2: It’s the Sirens’ song. Take a shot, mates. It’s only a dream.
3 from @mightytoycannon:
A: The secrets of the world are in this ancient tome. B: Mysteries? A: All that you seek. B: Is it downloadable? A: Sadly, yes.
&
A: This is what they called a “book.” B: What was its purpose? A: Telling stories. B: What were “stories?” A: I don’t remember.
&
MONK1: Nice work. Very illuminating. MONK2: Thanks. I have this new quill. MONK1: Is it swan? MONK2: No, falcon. MONK1: Sweet!
&
A: Look at my h.s. yearbook! B: Wow. What’s with the hair? A: It was the style then. B: No. I mean, when did you have hair?
@beinglizbreen:
Old man: In my day, weren’t wasting time on vampires with commitment issues. We were reading about wizards… With commitment issues.
@megabee:
[desert, evening] MOLOCH: You’ve seen the Book of Nod, childe. Now you die. GRAVESTORM: I dictated this to Caine. MOLOCH: OH, SHI…
@MeronLangsner:
CUSTOMER: I can’t download the Ebook I just purchased. TECH SUPPORT: Records indicate you have a first gen E-reader, please upgrade
@mkpheartsnyc:
And after many years of troubled travel, Odysseus came home.
@jeffzugale:
Ed Tufte: This is one of Galileo’s original, handwritten manuscripts showing his observations of Saturn. Everyone else: Ooooooooohh!!
@tonyfaulkner:
Man: <walking down street in a panic> Has someone seen my Guttenberg Bible? Has someone seen my Guttenberg Bible? Has someone seen…
@natelopez53:
(l/o 2 cavemen) 1: what on wall 2nite 2: look guide 1: (picking up large stone tablet) ARGH SAME YSTDAY ME TIRED OF THIS SHOW
@glinda510:
1st Man: And the women say no sex until we stop fighting. 2nd Man: Wow, I totally didn’t see that play coming.
@ArmyofWomack:
Marlowe:Holinshed?He wrote that 100 years after the Roses war.Will:100 year old books,closest I get to contemporary
@BradleeT:
1: Here come some Gideons. Let’s go inside. 2: No way, dude. I am out of rolling papers.
@jamse:
(A, w/dusty book. B, w/featherduster, dusts the book ferociously. Dust settles. A opens book. Screams. B shuts book.) A: thank you.
@tigerteam:
[Mars. An ASTRONAUT spots something strange. He kneels, digging out an old book.] ASTRONAUT: Damn. I already read “The DaVinci Code”.
So delicious! And that is our ender for this week!@MeronLangsner:
Galley Slave 1: Row! GS2: Row! GS3: Row! GS1: Waitaminute, it’s their boat, let them row! This life is not but dream. [revolution]
2 from @NikkiShaff:
Priest: Thar she blows! Imam: Pull up the anchor! Rabbi: Full speed ahead! (Captain enters) Captain: What is this, some kinda joke?
&
Jul: Let’s tell our fams! Rom: Yes! They’ll be ok! WillS: Oh no you dont! R: Who are you? WS: (w/ knife, poison) Your worst nightmare
@bennyfactor:
ANDYSTERN: Lo, I am upon a boat. KIVACRANTZ: Indeed, and whilst I ride ‘pon dolphins, friend Jorma xeroxeth. OTHELLO: I am Auto-tun’d
@ShaneStraw:
1 - It isn’t fair. 2 - He’s the boss. Washington - What? 2 - He’s upset that you get to stand up in the boat and he can’t.
@sylliebee:
[A,B,&C on boat deck] A:Look, a dead whale floating! [B pulls something from water] C:What is it? B:[showing] A pot of petunias…
@megabee:
[setting: outrigger] ROWER A: What’s that badass music? ROWER B: Hawaii 5-0 opening. MCGARRETT: Book ‘em, Danno!
@mightytoycannon:
A: Wanna see my junk? B: Excuse me? A: My boat. Wanna see it? B: Oh! A Chinese boat! C: Don’t let him show you his sampan.
@smithnoah:
COLUMBUS: Land ho! We’ve reached India! SAILOR: I’d love some curry! SAILOR2: Let’s kill them if they don’t have any.
@ArmyofWomack:
ScottyNot fast enuff JohnGlenNot aerodynamic enuff ChristieMcAuliffeNot safe enuff CptStubbing(hugsboat)Not enuff luv
@stevenberkowitz:
A: He looks dead. B: He’s not dead. [pokes C] C: I-- [groans, gasps, dies] A: He looks dead. B: Is that a seagull?
@jocularfowl:
The Equatoguineans: Dude, why’d you buy that massive fuckin’ boat? Obiang: You ain’t seein’ nuthin’. Silvio: Ah! Here’s our sex boat!
@22Tilda:
Prima: I must have that red boat. Carlo: But my sweet you don;t know how to swim. Sales Women: life vests are included
@Fauxmaux:
A/(sings) Whusky and beer. B/ He’s drunk. C/ I took control. B/ But UR 10 y.o.! C/ Not bad? Whoa. Portside to avoid that white whale.
@JastrzebskiJ:
Ginger: We’ll never get off this island! Proff: Let me think about it. Skipper: C’mere lil buddy.
@jamse:
A: i fished with my grandpa here. C: guys? B: you did? C: um. B: when? A: i was 8. C: guys, it’s- (a shark devours the boat)
@natelopez53:
(4 survivors on raft) 1: long straw 2: long straw 3: long straw 4: best 2 of 3. right?
@schlchtmyr:
10 women:Czch,Prtguse,Fnnsh,Amer,Swss,Brtsh,Cndn,Grmn,Jpnese,S.Kor. “We all work.” “We all earn < men." "We're all in the same boat.”
@tcaNY:
Sailor: But what KIND of whale?/Ahab: The White Whale! (repeat until) Ishmael: Jesus! (jumps off boat) Do not call me.
@mugglefilm:
A: Ahoy! B: Bring it in! C: Boat’s too loaded. B: BRING HER IN! A: Inappropriate use of ‘her!’ C jumps overboard
@eincline:
J: There’s no keel B: You told me to keep sanding J: It’s worthless L: Don’t say- J: I’m not buying another L: I will. Come on, Billy
@littlebirdwords:
Andy Samberg: I’m on a boat! T-Pain: I’m on a boat! Boat: Yeah… could you not?
@jeremyteresa:
1"Welcome to the 2011 preseason edition of Bitches On A Boat!” 2(aside,whispered)"Where’s Missy P?” 3"Silicone puckering emergency”
@mugglefilm:
A: Ahoy! B: Bring it in! C: Boat’s too loaded. B: BRING HER IN! A: Inappropriate use of ‘her!’ C jumps overboard
@BradleeT:
1: Nice boat! 2: Yeah, they don’t make ‘em like this anymore 1: That is because there is lead in the glass. 3: Oooooh, brown gravy!
THIS WEEKEND IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE YOLANDA IN TML . . .
EVER.*
But also this week, we have 6 World Premiere Plays. Plays about different things!
Learning forgiveness through the Dagoba System (Yolanda)
BOOM BOOM BOOM (Roberta)
What becomes of the broken-hearted? (Kevin)
Channelling Chanel (Nicole)
This life of mine (30 in 60) (Christopher Loar)
Kevin and the Anthropomorphized Key-tar (Adam)
Here is a picture of said Key-tar
*It should be noted that you will never see Yolanda in TML again, until the next time she performs with us.
]]>Solidarity, yo. And that is our ender for this week!@shinavonne:
[BLACKOUT] She: Who turned out the light? Stranger: Sorry - I didn’t want you to see that I pooped myself. [LIGHTS UP. She is alone.]
@MeronLangsner:
Lady MacBeth: Did you invite Duncan? MacBeth: No. He just sort of showed up. Lady M: Well then… [Tragedy ensues]
@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights on DIRECTOR) D: Let’s shoot this silent Stella Artois ad. (ADRIEN BRODY walks in with microphone) D: Son of a bitch. (Bows)
@NikkiShaff:
Jul: Let’s tell our fams! Rom: Yes! They’ll be ok! WillS: Oh no you dont! R: Who are you? WS: (w/ knife, poison) Your worst nightmare
@thepanderson:
[JEFF + KAT sitting. MAN enters with accordion.] K: God, really? J: We’re trying to be romantic. M: I can play a polka? J+K: NO!
@natelopez53:
(L/O MAN AT DOORSTEP) M1: knock knock M2(INSIDE HOUSE): who’s there? M1: crazy axe murderer M2: uh M1: i mean mailman. let me in
@surrendertojoy:
Emily, Mike, Bart! There’s kings here! Howre yr kids & sheep?/ Dot, Pete, Evie- We’re an anarchosydicaists commune- Go back to sleep!
5 from @ShaneStraw (NOTE: Shane wrote 20(!) this week, here are 5 randomly selected plays):
Dad - Well son, you’re finally a man. Son - I can’t believe it’s time for my Bar Mitzvah. Hitler - Mazel Tov!
&
Baby - I swear, when I get out of this womb I am going to kill that damn gopher.
&
Man - Oh hey, Arts in America! I’d like you to meet my friend: Adequate Funding.
&
Emcee - Welcome to the National Hetero Conference. Please give a warm welcome to our surprise guest speaker: Justin Bieber.
&
Shane - It’s finally here; My 20th twitterplay of the day! Rick Astley - Never gonna give you up… Shane - Damn it!
2 from @stephatically:
Everyone Else On Twitter- Hooray it’s Twitterplay Tuesday! Here’s my #tp102, @nyneofuturists! Shane - Here’s my 20! Booyah. EEOT: Upstager.
&
Chorus- Masquerade! Paper Faces on parade! Phantom- I’ve written a new Opera. ALWebber- And I’ve written a sequel! World- *facepalm*
@CGBethPeters:
They rest afterward, exhausted, breathless. Only 3 hours to sleep. They take a collective sigh, and sleep comes. A knock.
@Emperor_norton:
A: You can’t be here. This is a ghost party- B: I AM a ghost. A: Yes, we all are. But we were invited. B: I used to LIVE here. A: Oh.
@jenbo1:
Knock Knock. Who’s there? You? Me? Yes you. But how; I’m here. I am here. No you’re there. Right, I’m here. Huh. Huh. Weird.
3 from @mightytoycannon:
A: I’m on the list. B: Nope. A: I was told. B: Who said? A: The director. B: That’s me. A: Your PR guy? B: You’re a critic? Welcome.
&
A: I think we should acknowledge the elephant in the room. B: Who invited him? A: The 300 lb. gorilla in the corner.
&
A: Have we met? B: Yes. A: I don’t know you. B: I’ve always been near. A: Are you…Jesus? B: What? No! I’m your next door neighbor.
@BradleeT:
1: Hey man, what’s up? 2: Not much. 1: Is that your mom? 2: Yeah dude. 1: I was just kidding when I said “your mom” 2: Damn.
@mugglefilm:
Ed: Surprise! Cop: GET OUT OF HERE! Ed: What’d I do wrong? Cop: This is a one-man restroom! Ed: But where are the donuts?
@ArmyofWomack:
CAT:(naps)Had some tuna,gettin’ some sun,perfect Sunday.FLEA:(VO)All right Sunday brunch! NomNom! CAT:Hiss(chews but)
@kwarnockny:
A: Funny, I’m a stranger here myself. B: I would have guessed that. Not many guys in silver suits with huge black eyes here.
@BeccaPiano:
B: This drum circle ROCKS. D: FUCK Gov Walker! [*drumgabung*] G: Say bro, YOUR beat’s off, kinda LOUD. MQ: Not steppin down. #wiunion
So put on your Sunday Best, kids, because you’re coming to Too Much Light.
We present:
Be Born This Way. Or Else. (Kevin)
Let Me Have My Crescendo (Roberta)
South Dakota, where it’s OK because he was going to kill that unborn fetus baby!! (Adam)
Déjà Disrupting Aria (WP)
NEO FUTURISTIC INTERPRETATIVA DANZA MOVIMENTO A LA CARTE (Yolanda)
A Progressive Pep Talk w/ Visual Aids (Yolanda)
People, Is This Black Enough 4 U? a negro history nod… (Nicole)
Daily Evolutionary Conflict (Adam)
And maybe it’s about time you replace your pillow.
And that is our ender for this week!3 from @mightytoycannon:
A: I need help writing a play with a very large number. B: A big number? A: Yeah. B: Okay. 5, 6, 7, 8, ONE singular sensation…
&
A: Cut a trillion dollars! B: Shutting NEA will save $168m. A: For the federal budget, that’s not a large number. B: Do it anyway!
&
A: I love you. B: How much? A: A bazillion! B: That’s neither a word nor a sentiment. A: My love cannot be quantified. B: Try.
@Fauxmaux:
A:My love for you is infinite. B:I wouldn’t go that far.
@ysplotchy:
SPLOTCHY VI: Great, great, great, grandad! @CountingUp finally reached 1.000000e+140! SPLOTCHY (rasping): Wasn’t worth it. [dies]
4 from @ShaneStraw:
Three - Seven has put on a lot of weight. Five - Of course she has. Seven ate Nine.
&
Gov - We can’t budget for the arts and education in Texas because I need 6 gajillion dollars to buy Pokemon cards for my dog’s pet
&
Man - No honey, we’re not in a hurry. Take all the time you need to get ready.
&
Spiderman: Turn off the Dark. #tp100
@Jeremy_Gable:
(Lights on HE) HE: I’m Googling the number “googol”. (HE slips into a wormhole) Man, not for the ten-duotrigintillionth time! (Bows)
@doctorogres:
A(in a chair): 5 million, 4,999,999, 4,999,998...(etc) (B holding a claw hammer. At each count B takes a step towards A.)
@Blueskyfox:
ME:Ladies and gentlemen,a very large member...(begins to pull down zipper.@Nyneofuturists runs on,whispers into ear.)ME:Never mind.
2 from @tonyfaulkner:
Me: How many clones have you got? Her: I’m at around 87,000. Me: Hah! My clone army is totally going to slaughter your clone army!
&
Bob: What are we up to? Bill: 1,072,007; 1,072,008; 1,072,009...Bob: That’s a lot of rain drops. See you in an hour. Bill: 1,072,010
@swestdahl:
I googled ‘google’ and do you know what didnt show up in the top 10 (write 10 on board) results? (add 99 more 0s) The number ‘googol’
@10000TH :
She: Why so down? He: Been upright for 4.5 Million yrs. She: Coffee? He: We should be further along by now.
@ArmyofWomack:
GIRL:I cheated,I cheated once.1 time w/1 man.BOY:I cant trust you, I have to hate you now!1 time is a million times!
@richmintz:
that’s too easy—just googol it #tp100
@beinglizbreen:
A: Wow! Look at your music collection. How many vinyls? HIPSTER: It’s a pretty obscure number. You probably never heard of it.
@emperor_norton:
A: Bullshit. B: It’s a valid unit of measurement! A: There is no such thing as a “Hojillion”. B: Is too! It’s a billion billions.
@BeccaPiano:
Nurse: Dr, our new patient’s delusion is that he is the number 42,512,248—AND Walt Whitman! Pt: I am large, I contain multiples!
@natelopez53:
(G calls suicide htln) SH: suicide is never the answer G: tyler perry is worth 1 billion dollars SH:(both kill themselves)
@mugglefilm:
A: How many bubbles? B: I left off at 7,492...A: Again! (B dunks head underwater, gurgles) B: 7553...8101..
@schlchtmyr:
33% of Twitter accounts have never posted, ever. That’s a lot of people who have never submitted a #twitterplay.
@c2thety:
525,600 minutes. Oh. Wait.